Be Mine

People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.

~Rogers Hornsby

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s certainly true for baseball fans who have to endure the long and lonely offseason that stretches through the cold, unending months of winter. But those dark days are officially behind us now: it’s P&C day, y’all.

It’s positively poetic that pitchers and catchers report on Valentine’s Day, because quite a few of the Ladies have ongoing torrid affairs with baseball. And let’s be honest- we’d much rather be treated to the boys of summer than yet another lame box of candy. So we’ve put together a few love letters to baseball - little Valentine’s treats for our favorite teams and players, and the game itself… all after the jump.

Hump Day Hottie: Johan Hedberg

It’s time to show some love for the backup - the #2 guy, the benchwarmer, the alternate plan, the man who sits at second on the depth chart. While the starters are out there getting all the love and the limelight, the backup rides the pine waiting for his time to shine. But Mr. Alternate deserves love, too.

Take for example the case of one Johan Hedberg - backup goaltender for the Atlanta Thrashers. The sexy Swede (I have always wanted to write that in a post) may play second fiddle to Kari Lehtonen on the ice, but he definitely wins in the looks competition. Johan was named one of the 50 Sexiest People in Atlanta - and where was Mr. Lehtonen on that list? Nowhere, that’s where.

Plus, his nickname is “Moose” (thanks to Pittsburgh- whose fans gently mocked him for wearing his old Manitoba Moose helmet when he got called to the Penguins at the last minute), which is awesome. And he is super sweet to the kid fans, too:

[A fan] asked Hedberg if he had a moment to take a photo with her daughter at a Thrashers practice. She got more than a picture. “He picked her up and talked to her and snuggled her,” said the fan, sporting a No. 1 Hedberg Thrashers jersey before a recent Thrashers home game. “That’s a big deal for a mom.”

That picture now has a permanent home in her purse and Hedberg cemented another lifelong supporter in a fan club that grows with each person he meets.

So you can have first crack at tending the goal, Kari - and Johan will just have to be satisfied with being sweet and handsome. And don’t look now- but Johan’s getting more playing time lately, so maybe he’ll take over #1 on the ice soon, too.

Lots more Johan loveliness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Braylon Edwards

Braylon Edwards has been a victim of what I like to think of as the “Cleveland Effect”: if you play for a Cleveland team, your hotness is camoflaged by wearing a uniform with “CLEVELAND” on it somewhere. Braylon looked hot playing for Michigan, and he still looks hot playing for Cleveland– but a guy has to be extra specially hot to overcome the Cleveland Effect and get his own HDH (see: Sizemore, Grady). Everyone has been busy fawning over the new kid taking his shots for the Browns at QB, but I maintain that Braylon is the best looking guy on the team. He even has his own fan club (of sorts) - the Braylon Bunch… started by eight guys. Such is the hotness of Braylon, even straight men recognize.

But it was this picture in Sports Illustrated that finally convinced me to overlook the Cleveland Effect and make Braylon an HDH - because not only is he beautiful to look at, and talented on the field, but he pledged $1 million in scholarship money for 100 needy eighth-grade students in Cleveland. With that list of qualifications, who cares if he plays for the Browns?

How that group of eighth grade girls can look so bored with that pretty sitting so close by, I’ll never know. Oh, right- they live in Cleveland.

For lots more of Braylon, follow me after the jump…

Alamo Bowl: There’s No Crying In Football

Your designated Big 10 representative for the evening (Lady Andrea) and the only Big XII representative around these parts (me) were both tasked with a difficult job: watch the Alamo Bowl. Doesn’t sound hard- except that every single other person in the country was watching the Patriots take on the Giants. But Lady A’s allegiance to the Big 10 and my hatred of the Aggies is so strong that we persevered.

Since I’m 99% sure no one else watched the Alamo Bowl- here’s our play-by-play of the important action. You will notice we did not make one single “Remember the Alamo!” pun.

Horns’ Happy Hottie Holiday

Why, hello, Colt McCoy. Aren’t you looking all fine with that Offensive MVP trophy and those awesome Texas guns? I’m so glad to see you show up in San Diego at the Holiday Bowl without bringing along those friends of yours Mr. Int and Mr. Erception — you know, the ones that have been hanging around you all season. (Although I did notice that you couldn’t get rid of the other member of the Suck Trio, Mr. Fumble - but considering the scoreboard, I’ll forgive you.) You’re like our own Matt Saracen, all grown up - wide-eyed and full of small-town boyish charm. I am required by Texan law to lavish schmoopy praise on our QB- especially when his name is Colt McCoy, as clearly he was destined to lead us to victory with a name like that. (See? There I go again!)

Heck, now that I think of it, just about every member of the Longhorns team that stepped on the field last night looked pretty darned hot– winning will do that for you. Why don’t you all take a step forward so we can appreciate your hotness. NOT SO FAST, CHRIS JESSIE.

I’m pretty sure that you should never, ever, EVER step foot on the field of play again, unless you are specifically instructed to do so by a member of the coaching staff who is not your stepfather. I’m also pretty sure we need to outfit you with one of those child leash things, so that the coaches can yank you backwards like Phillip the Hyper Hypo if you try to run up and grab a live ball again.

Now that we’ve covered that unpleasantness, we can move on to all the pictures of hotties, after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Mr. Heisman

Picking the hottest Heisman finalist from the field of official photos this year was an easy task- the hottie favorite Colt Brennan disqualifies himself by sporting a wicked bad haircut (and looking like that doofy receptionist guy from Private Practice), Chase Daniel manages to look like an unemployed hobo and/or psycho shop teacher, and Tim Tebow could be a member of the Geek Squad from your local Best Buy. Darren McFadden reigns supreme and wins the official photo battle in a walk.

But Tim Tebow emerged victorious from the Downtown Athletic Club on Saturday, claiming the actual Heisman hardware - which, oddly enough, was not awarded based on how hot he looked in his official press photo. So I’m calling uncle, Mr. Tebow. You won the Heisman fair and square (and were the first underclassman to ever win the award), and so I’m finally giving you your very own HDH post. Even though you play for the hated Florida Gators, I must grudgingly acknowledge that you’ve got gorgeous baby blues and a body that just won’t quit. And when you add in the Heisman hardware (whether I thought you deserved it or not), that’s one mighty appealing package. I might even be able to overlook the Florida colors- as long as you promise not to do that stupid Gator chomp thing with your arms.

Just please, please quit taking hair styling tips from Urban Meyer, OK? Less gel and spikes, more natural tousle.

Lots more Heisman-y goodness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Vincent Lecavalier

Normally, Frenchys don’t rate very high on the hot scale– they’re just so… French. But I can make an exception for French-Canadians — especially hot, 6′4″ French-Canadian hockey players like Vincent Lecavalier.

Vinny (yep, his nickname is “Vinny”) was born and raised in a suburb outside Montreal, and then went on to attend high school way out in Saskatchewan- where he must have picked up a wicked French-Saskatchewan accent. He was drafted #1 overall out of high school at the age of 18 by the Tampa Bay Lightning, and was labeled as the “Michael Jordan of hockey” by TB’s owner (eat your heart out, LeBron). He was named captain of the team at the ripe age of 19, helped the Bolts score a Stanley Cup at the age of 24, and won the very prestigious Maurice ‘Rocket’ Richard Trophy as the NHL’s top goal scorer last year.

That hockey skills stuff is all well and good, but the coolest thing about Mr. Lecavalier is that he appeared in “Happy Gilmore” at the age of 15 (as a hockey player, of course). Maybe even cooler than that? Just a month ago he donated $3 million to a new children’s hospital in St. Pete, Florida, to help build a cancer pediatrics unit.

So, to recap: he’s hot, tall, talented, speaks French, most likely has a sexy accent, has a championship ring and donates large sums of money to help kids with cancer. I really need to watch more hockey.

See lots more of Vinny after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Tom Brady

I give. Uncle. I’m finally caving in and doing an HDH on Dreamboat, ok? I still haven’t forgotten how our nice happy Tony Romo post turned into some kind of battle royale, with legions of Dreamboatettes turning out to hate on my QB1. But I also recognize this ode to Mr. McScores-a-lot is long overdue, what with him and the Patriots wiping the floor with the rest of the NFL like they’re a dirty old mop.

So Tom Brady gets his HDH. Just don’t expect me to like it. Even if he is awfully dashing. Yeah, I said it - dashing. Debonair, even. It’s that chiseled jaw and perfect scruff, a lethal combination… even on a guy in a Patriots uniform.  Even on a Michigan Wolverine.

Tons more Bradyliciousness after the jump…

Bringing the Heat: 1986 Toronto Blue Jays

The baseball offseason is a long, lonely and chilly period. Baseball fans are forced to obsess over the minutiae of Hot Stove baseball: whether the third-best middle reliever on your team will file for free agency, the theoretical pros and cons of a six-man rotation, how many different teams will diss A-Rod before he goes crawling back to the Yankees.

So when the folks over at The Sporting News approached us with the opportunity to participate in a Strat-O-Matic recreation of the 1986 baseball season (1986: Take Two), we naturally grabbed ahold of that opportunity like a drowning man to a liferaft. We didn’t even really care what team we got (there is enough baseball love amongst the Ladies… to go around for just about every team)- so when we were given the Toronto Blue Jays, we were quite tickled. They’re so plucky! And so Canadian! And they have RANCE MULLINIKS- with a guy named that on our roster, we were bound to win.

Now we don’t have to obsess over that Hot Stove stuff, we can obsess over what Dave Stieb’s WHIP was against left-handed batters in June of 1986, or whether we should carry an extra DH or outfielder, or just how many ridiculous trades we can propose to Curt Schilling (who is managing the Red Sox against us in the AL East) before he blocks our email address. And we have a baseball project that will require daily management right up until May- when real-life baseball will be in full swing again (hallelujah). I would disclose how many hours and hours and hours we’ve spent researching stats and tweaking lineups and reviewing recordbooks… but it’s just too frightening. J-Money and I are co-piloting this crazy ship- but never fear, we’re dragging the other baseball-fanatic Ladies… along with us for the ride.

Our season officially kicked off last Tuesday, and we’re off to a rousing 5-3 start (damn you, Kansas City Royals!) — and to celebrate, we’re doing a run-down of the hotties on the 1986 Blue Jays. So get ready- put on your retro ‘86 Jays cap (I have one) or jersey (J-Money has that)- because after the jump you’re about to behold Rance Mulliniks and the rest of the mustachioed Blue Jays in all their glory…

Hump Day Hottie: Brett Favre

Most perfect man ever:

I held off as long as I could, but it’s high time I sing the praises of one Brett Lorenzo Favre, giving him his proper due as the feature of an HDH. He’s a Mississippi boy, born and bred, with the lovely Southern drawl to match. In addition to being a tall drink of water to look at, with outrageous skills on the field and that fabled gunslinger attitude, he’s also got a wicked funny sense of humor. With boyish, All-American good looks, a rough-and-tumble demeanor and that determination that’s as tough-as-nails, how can you not love Brett Favre?

But don’t take my word for it- in addition to the normal smorgasbord of lovely Brett photos, I’ve also added a bonus video clip from the NFL Network’s “In Their Own Words” feature on Brett…. all after the jump.